


What Remains

by knightemperor



Series: Shuake Week 2020 [6]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Shuake Week 2020, Suicide Idealization, alcohol mention, day 6 sins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:36:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27659606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knightemperor/pseuds/knightemperor
Summary: Post-Interrogation room.Goro reflects on the sins he committed and contemplates his future.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Series: Shuake Week 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2017106
Kudos: 30





	What Remains

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the tags as this work is much heavier than other things I have written. Thank you!

It was so easy. He just pulled the trigger and he won. It was honestly anticlimactic for how much he had been fantasizing about his victory. There was no dramatic fight, no desperate struggle, not even a blast of gore. Instead, Akira Kurusu went out without a sound. One bullet to the head, blood dribbling down his face and a splat as he landed unceremoniously on the table. 

Goro gave the boy one last look before he carefully placed the gun in his hands. For all his rival did to match him in everything they did, games, fighting, debates, and even battling shadows, this was disappointing. It was all the police’s fault, of course. Those bastards had drugged Kurusu, made it so he could barely comprehend what was going on around him, much less fight back. It was disgusting. He felt no remorse in killing the guard outside, he deserved as much for being complacent in the drugging and beating of a high school boy. 

He called Shido to inform him the job was done and headed back to his apartment. Victory was within his sights now. The thieves would no longer be an issue, leaving Shido free to take control and Goro, free to destroy everything that man had worked for. After years of working towards his goal, he had finally reached the point where he could see the end. 

So why didn’t he feel satisfied? He let the door of his apartment close behind him and just stood in the entryway feeling empty. He should be feeling happy! He should be celebrating! Instead, all he felt was a gross slimy feeling, starting at the pit of his stomach and infecting the rest of his body. It bubbled up inside him until he released it as a choked laugh. He stumbled towards his kitchen, noises leaking out of him with every step he took. He made it to his cabinet, intending to grab something strong but honestly, he couldn’t be bothered to make the effort. Instead, he slid to the floor and sat there, still laughing. 

When was the last time he felt like this? Perhaps it was after killing Isshiki. The woman hadn’t been the best and put Goro through a lot, but he never intended to kill her. Finding out she had “committed suicide” was a shock and a realization at how deep he had gotten. There was no way out of this anymore. He had taken a life and sold his soul to Shido. What other choice did he have than to move forward? 

He remembered feeling sick to his stomach, unable to hold food down for the next few days and puking everything he tried eating. Feeling paranoid, like everyone was out for him, that everyone he met knew what he had done. His hands were tainted, and no matter how hard he scrubbed, the stains never left. He started wearing gloves. 

This was the same. He had done something he couldn’t take back, no matter how hard he wished he could. Why would he want to take it back though? Everything went exactly according to plan, better even! His mind drifted back to Kurusu’s confused face, how his eyes, once full of life and hope, turned clouded and glassy as he faded away to nothingness. He’d never be able to return to Leblanc, never be able to be met with that slightly smug grin and mess of hair. The trips to the Jazz Jin, the aquarium, the batting cages, all of those only existed in memory now. Kurusu would never be able to join Goro to them ever again. He’d never feel those soft lips, pressing against his, gentle hands cupping his face. 

Goro ran to the sink. The remains of his lunch landed at the bottom. He washed them away, wondering what had happened to him. Kurusu deserved it. He was weak and thought he could beat Goro. There was no other outcome. He shoved the memories of the boy out of his mind and tried to focus on anything else. 

Robin piped up from the back of his mind, trying to offer some comfort. Goro cut his persona off. He didn’t want pity from anyone, not even from a part of himself. Loki chuckled somewhere and Goro shut him off too. It was better to be alone. He didn’t want to deal with others any more. 

Drinking wouldn’t do anything but it was tempting. He reached for the cabinet again, staring at the bottle of vodka residing inside. He shut the door again, reminding himself he was expected to work tomorrow. He needed to show up looking like the pristine Detective Prince everyone expected him to be. Drinking wasn’t allowed for minors, much less idols, so he refrained. For now. Later in the week, he would probably break and down the whole thing. A bad idea, but who was he if not the king of bad ideas. 

Goro dragged himself to his room where he collapsed on the bed. It was pathetically empty, nothing to show that Detective Prince Goro Akechi lived here. Good. He liked it that way. The fewer traces of his existence, the better. The desire for attention wiggled in his brain and he slapped it away. He had enough of that disgusting craving. It’s what led him into this whole Detective Prince gig in the first place. He could have been perfectly happy working behind the scenes, doing grunt work with no real fame. 

But after getting a taste of acceptance, he couldn’t stop. People liked him. The boy who grew up being told he was a mistake, who couldn’t do enough to stop his mother from dying at her own hands, who was bullied and beaten by others his whole life. He was still being used by shitty adults, but for some reason, hearing others praise him made him feel happy. Shido, of course, realized this and easily took advantage. But Goro was young and stupid, and too caught up in the revenge scheme he had thought up. The praise continued.

He chased after that high and found Akira Kurusu. Every time he spent time with him, he felt more of that warm feeling and it clouded his judgement. It felt genuine too, not the fake kindness people gave him just for being famous. In that sense it was even more dangerous, because Goro couldn’t try to brush it off. It was easy to accept the attention of fans, it was expected of him even. But accepting Kurusu’s attention was deadly. It meant he would be exposing that part of himself no one had seen, opening himself up to rejection, and with the boy who was supposed to be his enemy. 

Kurusu accepted him and it was infuriating. The dam holding back the memories of Kurusu burst open, and Goro felt himself drowning. The sickening sweetness the boy offered him while he was plotting his death. The tender moments they shared, Goro opening up to him like no other person before. He loved Kurusu. The realization tore through him. 

He grabbed the pillow off his bed and launched it across the room. It wasn’t enough. He needed to break more. The bedside clock went next, joining the pillow on the floor. Books, clothes, anything he could get his hands on. With nothing else easily within his grasp, he stood amongst the wreckage, breathing heavily, gazing at the destruction he caused. His clock was definitely broken, pieces scattered about. Everything else was fine at least.

“It’ll be ok, Akechi,” a voice filled his head. Goro frantically looked around, but found nothing but the mess he created. 

“Soon, you can join me, right?” Was that Kurusu’s voice? Had he finally lost it? Tears pricked at the edges of his eyes and glided down his face. That really was the only thing left for him, wasn’t it? Death. He had planned it from the beginning, after Shido went down, Goro would go down not long after. He thought for a split second he might be able to join Kurusu, but realized they likely would not be going to the same place. 

“I’m sorry.” Goro choked out. His voice was hoarse and he collapsed in on himself. Kurusu’s gentle voice wrapped around him, speaking equal words of comfort and blame. Tomorrow, he’d have to go back to work and pretend everything was normal. But for now, he let himself fall apart, the sins he committed slowly choking him into unconsciousness.

**Author's Note:**

> Later, Goro finds out Akira is alive and is pissed cause he spent so long mourning him. But he’s also very relieved. 
> 
> Thank you for reading this, I usually don’t do angst and this was more of a vent work than anything.


End file.
